No Way. I Just Had This One Put In.

I had an interesting experience today.

Part of my job is to inspect underground electrical transformers. These are often covered by some sort of metal grate or concrete lid. More often than not, they are also located in the front corner of someone's house. Since these are in the front yard, they tend to get covered in landscaping.

I'll admit it. Utility boxes are mostly ugly. There's nothing really aesthetically pleasing about an underground utility box. It looks like a drain. Hence, the creative homeowner (who has zero idea as to what a transformer enclosure looks like, does, or anything else) decides to plant all manner of vines, shrubbery, trees, and vegetables. The plant life hides the fact that there is an ugly "drain" in the front yard. The "drain" is forgotten about until I show up at your house.

It's my job to clear the vegetation, lawn ornaments, tires, garbage, fences, etc., from the area surrounding the transformer. The Public Utility Commission requires it to create a safe workplace for the Lineman that may have to come back and fix something, later.

I pulled up to the average, and attractive suburban home. I saw that the transformer enclosure was in the front corner of the yard, covered by shrubbery. I hopped out of my truck, and grabbed my hedge clippers. The air was crisp and clean. The sky was a bright blue, and all was right in the world.

"What are you doing, man?!"

"Pardon?"

"WHAT do you think you're doing to my yard!"

"Oh, good morning. I'm just clearing out the vegetation so that I can -"

"You want me to bust your teeth!"

Am I really hearing this, or am I hallucinating from the clean air, and all that coffee I drank this morning?

"I'm sorry. What's that, again?"

"Whatchu think you're doin to my yard, homes."
I now realize that I am speaking to someone in full cholo regalia.

"I'm here to inspect the PG&E transform-"

"What you gonna inspect is your broken teeth, you don't get off my property. I'm gonna bust your mouth right now you don't step off my lawn."
Is someone really telling me this, while I stand here with a bevy of heavy, large, sharp, and otherwise dangerous implements at my disposal. I've even got a fricken laser beam (but no shark. maybe an ill-tempered sea bass).

"I will relay that to my supervisor, who will likely contact you later. Another PG&E representative will be back at a later date - possibly with a police escort - to inspect this later."

"I'm gonna call the police, you don't get out of here soon."

"Please do what you feel necessary, sir."

It went down, more or less, just like that. I'm not really embellishing anything. I did edit the words of the four letter variety - mostly for myself. I'd rather expand my vocabulary. I attempted to do the job I do every day - and was offered the opportunity to have my teeth knocked out. If you've read this blog very long, you know that to have my teeth taken out, isn't really something I would be volunteering for.

What I found difficult, was to remain calm and polite in the face of someone threatening me with physical harm. Granted, if it was a man to man fight, I would have taken him. He was 4 inches shorter, and several pounds lighter. I was also in possession of a can of dog mace. Yes. I would have sprayed him, if he tried any of his tooth removal shenanigans (do I get points for using that word on St. Patrick's Day?). I also had a sledgehammer, chainsaw, various knives, bug spray, a shovel, a gad, newly sharpened hedge clippers, and a pocket full of bolts. I was outfitted like a compliance inspection ninja. Thankfully, I was able to leave without coming to blows.

Nonetheless, the blue sky seemed duller, the sun felt colder. My day was shot. My give-a-damn was busted. Nothing takes the wind out of your sails like the threat of physical confrontation.

Then my day ended with the battery on my work truck dying. Solid.

Thankfully, there are usually tomorrows.

In light of this downer, please to enjoy the vocal stylings of Diamond Dave - sans music. It's funnier than you think.